Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Positive feedback for Maya Khan of Samaa TV

In a recent show, Maya Khan complained about people disparaging her work. Work? Work? Is that what we are calling it these days Maya? Ok…sure if you insist. She also seemed highly distraught by the fact that people were sharing their opinions about her show in “public forums”. As opposed to say private forums like…you know daytime TV shows! She then went on to claim that her show was merely an attempt to eradicate the escalating crimes in Pakistan. Crimes like “kidnappings” and “killings”. Because we all know that when a strange boy talks to a strange girl….that’s just a gateway sin to going on a shooting rampage. Duh!

Why Yes!

Honestly, I don’t know what everyone is so upset about! Maya is right! We should be thanking her. She saved the day by exposing the worst sin in the world. The sin of talking to someone of the opposite gender that you may not be related to. (of course this sin does not apply to TV show hosts interviewing others…that’s different…there is a pardon for that some place…somewhere). Thanks to her, her trusted aunty brigade and her out-of-breath cameraman; our lives are now suddenly safe and we can sleep better at night. Boys and girls walking around unabashedly in public parks. Tsk, tsk…what is this world coming to?

And on your show you humbly requested your viewers to share some positive feedback about this segment. Well Maya dear…you asked for it….and here it is. The only problem is that I may be your only viewer. But whose counting right?

1. Your show is so professional it almost competes with Western shows….and by Western shows I mean the Jerry Springer Show. Nice role models you have there. Keep up the good work!

2. For a long time there was such a dearth of trashy talk-show daytime TV in Pakistan. You have filled that void. Thanks Maya. Ab I will only watch Samaa TV and as Pakistanis, we should watch and support only our local trash TV.

3. As a woman in my early thirties, I constantly struggle with new and innovative ways to loose weight. In your show you taught me a new way to exercise. Who needs jogging sprees at Sindh Club when I can grab an entourage of other Aunties and play “pakran pakrai” with boys and girls who I suspect maybe talking about the weather (tauba tauba). This new exercise called “Don’t Mind Your Business” will be all the new rave in Pakistan. Chalo lets go to Quaid Park next? Hain na?

4. Thanks to you, I feel so much safer now that boys and girls will no longer be talking to each other in broad daylight. This will surely put an end to “kidnappings” and “killings” in the city. Woh kehtay hain na…. “Make War not Love”.

5. I also want to congratulate your genius set-designing ability. The back drop with dinosaurs in the background was the perfect touch to creating the whole Dark Ages atmosphere to the show. You sure know how to create the perfect scene.

6. Please tell me there will be a sequel. And in that sequel you can go around flogging people publicly in the market place for wearing jeans pant?

7. From a fashion standpoint, the whole bearded look for mullahs was so last century. I liked your outfits much better. You have completely recreated a new wardrobe called Female Fundo Chic. Were some of the women actual maulwis in drag? Genius, I tell you!

8. You say that you broadcasted this show to help the poor parents of these burqa-clad harlots and their male escorts. I am sure these parents are so grateful to you now for exposing their children on National television. Since they don’t want their kids to be frolicking in the park with each other they are grateful that you have now told them, their Mamoons, Phuppas, neighbors, Bubloo from down the street, Tinkoo the doodh-wala and the entire world about it. Way to go!

9. You use the word “Insaniyat” in your rebuttal clip. You have truly displayed “Insaniyat” in your show. Ab bas aik high five day do mujhay!

10. But most of all….thanks to you…I got to witness how most of Pakistan reacted to you on public forums by disagreeing with your actions. That truly gave me hope and strengthened my trust in this country. Judging by peoples reactions and criticism of your show, I am comforted by the fact that most of Pakistan is still quite sensible, intelligent and progressive. I would never have realized that if it had not been for your privacy-invading, highly fatuous show.

Bravo Maya, Bravo.